Should We Expect to be Hated?

Recently, a new associate of mine confided in me about a concern that I’ve noticed that many believers wrestle with: if the Bible says we should expect to be “hated by the world,” what does it mean if we’re generally liked and get along well with others? My friend pointed to verses like John 15:18, Matthew 10:22, and 1 John 3:13, where Jesus and the apostles warn us about opposition.

“I don’t feel very hated. Most people I know, believers or non-believers, are friendly toward me. I try to be kind and love those around me. I confess I’m worried that I’m lacking something. Am I not bold enough in my walk? Should I regularly confront people in sin?”

His question got me thinking about something that I’ve seen others struggle with, and it’s something that I’ve had to try to figure out myself: does a lack of hostility mean we’re failing as God’s people? Are we missing opportunities to challenge the world, to “speak the truth in love,” to call people to repentance?

In response, I wanted to offer some perspective on what it means to live as followers of Christ without developing a “martyr complex.”

Let me offer some perspective that I’ve picked up in my own journey with Christ, not only in my own life, but most importantly, through the Scriptures.

It’s very easy to misinterpret Jesus’ words, seeing the world’s hatred as a badge of honor. But don’t allow yourself to fall into the “martyr complex” trap. God’s people are characterized by their love for others, not by being hated by others. The mindset that “opposition means holiness” often completely shifts the focus from our call to love others to a misguided desire to be disliked as proof of our faithfulness.

I’ll say it again to really hammer the point home: God’s people are to be known for their love and kindness towards others, not for the antagonism they might face.

More often than not, the “hatred” Jesus speaks of will come about when we genuinely seek to love others, build peace, and reconcile differences—when we care deeply about making peace between people, when we build bridges of empathy, and proclaim that Jesus’ love compels us to do right by God and others. Those who might take issue with us tend to be those who (perhaps unintentionally) take pride in exercising power or control over others, who prefer true division over reconciliation. Our calling a Christians is to do our best to not provoke hatred, but instead to invite others to know the love of God and to experience reconciliation with God.

It should go without saying, but when we foster the sort of values that treat other people well, a life that that cultivates a genuine of love (and not the typical Christian “being truthful is being loving” sort of excuse for being a jerk), we will find that people generally do want to be around us. They appreciate our company and our compassion towards them. People are drawn to those who they know care about them in tangible and intangible ways.

As Christians, we should be wary of thinking that a lack of hatred or opposition indicates spiritual or moral failure. The New Testament even encourages believers to “have good reputations with outsiders,” (1 Timothy 3:7), to live peaceably with everyone (Romans 12:18), and to avoid meddling in others’ affairs (1 Peter 4:15).

My friend continued saying he strives to follow James 1:19, “being slow to speak and quick to listen.” He admitted, “I’ve noticed many people argue in the name of Jesus, which I definitely don’t want to be! But I also worry that I don’t ‘speak the truth in love’ by calling people to repent. I focus on building relationships, but sometimes I worry I never pull the trigger.”

To this, I encouraged him to start simply: Just do what you can to introduce them to Jesus. Trust that if their connection with Him is genuine, they will, in time, see where they need to change.” In reality, we and I don’t come to Christ through repentance. It’s our confident trust in and love for Jesus that, afterwards, makes us realize when we do need to repent. Let’s not put the cart before the horse.

When people feel genuinely loved and cared for, they’re more likely to understand that Jesus’ love for them is also real—that they aren’t just pawns in some cosmic power play.

The goal, then, isn’t to demand immediate repentance from others, or even to tell them what to do to be “good” or “moral” but instead to show them a love that is deeply rooted in Christ’s genuine concern for their well-being. When they experience this, they will want to be like Him, open to His correction because they see it comes from a place of love.

In the end, we don’t have to be afraid if we aren’t hated by the world. Our job isn’t to create conflict or division—that opposition will come as we seek to make peace among people who do not want that peace—but to embody a love that invites others to know Jesus. And as they see Him through us, they’ll come to realize that any correction or call to change He offers is genuinely and actually for their own good.

Let’s focus on love, compassion, and empathy, leaving the rest to Him.